laying around is getting me no where. I think I'm going to get out for a bit (by myself) and just try to get mind on something. I wish I could turn to shopping to maybe make the day pass, but I catch myself in the baby stores or section all the time. it takes all have not to buy bows and new outfits for my morgan. I had a friend tell me last night that it seemed like God was really trying me because it seemed like yesterday was filled with so much heartache and lonliness. I believe her. its like he's saying, ok tiff make it through this part again and you'll then be able to receive the next blessing I have for you. I know I try. I stay in the word constently... I'm suppose to return to work on monday, I feel like I have so much to do before then. I don't even think I have a set of scrubs here with me where I'm staying...I'm afriad I'm going to get there and break down. Am I physically and mentally ready for this? I suppose there's only one way to find out..I dread getting back into a routine, I don't want to take my foucs off of my morgy.. It'll be tough, but I'm going to at least try to go back. during the night, last night, I put my head under my pillows and tried to think I was home in my own bed...I listend and it was silent. I could listen to morgs little heart beat and her breathe when I was at home in my own bed...I didn't hear that this time, which quickly reminded me she was gone . My mind will start going 90 miles per hour and it seems like it just explodes and I ask...my gosh what happened? How did I get here and what happened to my old life. Who would have thought that, that sunday was our last day toghether? I know she knows I love her and I pray she stays here by my side to help me along the way.
Tiff, I know that God only wants the very best for you. Someitmes we only see the tough parts of what is going on, but He is always in control. As His Word says, we are refined by fire sometimes. He WILL NOT give you anything He is not equipping you to handle.
ReplyDeleteI know yesterday was hard--but you made it through it! Keep your focus on Him, don't give up on Him. He has good things in store for you and Jeffrey.
Just take each day at a time--and look for the 1 good thing today!
Love you much!!
I don't know you and actually found my way to your blog through another blog. My heart goes out to you and your husband for the heartache you are feeling. I can not even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you each and every day. Please know that there are people out here praying for you - that God bring peace to your heart. I don't know your story or what happened to little Miss Morgan, but if there is anything you can share that will keep even one baby safe, it may help your healing. I don't know why tragedies happen to good people, but I know that God is holding your hand through this. I pray that you and your husband find peace and will continue to pray for you everyday.
ReplyDeleteRemember that there are so many people out here that are loving on you and praying for you even though you have no idea who we are. Our God does not "try" people or offer ultimatiums and He will NOT forsake you! He loves you so so much and it is by His grace alone that you and your family are getting through this terrible time. Keep your faith no matter how hard it is at times and know that God loves you more than you could ever imagine. Continuing to send prayers and blessings your way!!
ReplyDeletePS-Going back to work could be a blessing or a disaster for you, only you know what you can handle and if it is to soon just be honest and tell them. I am sure they love you and want what is best for you right now!