I've come to the conclusion that weekends are the hardest. Why? I have no idea. The only thing I want to do is for my life to go back to normal. I want to lay in our big bed and watch mickey mouse clubhouse until lunch on saturday mornings with Morgan, as she plays with her catapiller, and giraffe in bed. I wan't to pack up the diaper bag and stroller and go off and adventure something fun with my little family...(just the 3 of us.) I want to buy a new home with a big yard so we can have so much room for all of us to grow in to. Swingsets, swimming pools,...anything that might put a smile on my daughters face. I lay here on a Saturday morning with everyone of those hopes a dreams crushed. None of that is going to happen. I think ok, I've got to get up and start trying to get my life back to 'normal.' Well I've figured it out...THERE IS NO NORMAL ANYMORE!! My life was normal, and I would give anything for it to go back that way. I'm to the part of grieving where I'm just so frustraded, because no matter what I do things will not be normal again. Cotemplating work...it'll pass the time, but it still won't be normal. That is really going to be tough to again..(working with blood specimens.) God knows my heart though and knows what I can handle,so we will see. I'm lost. Tottally lost. I feel like my mind is slipping at times. It feels like mush. Support is great, the love and encouragement mean so much, but sometimes I just want to scream because nothing we do or say is going to bring her back. At times I wonder what I did do to deserve this? Everyone around me has their perfect little family...and that's all that I wanted. My sweet little red head to love and raise in a Godly household, and watch her do amazing things when she got older...On Weekends I think, 'Monday will be better.' I've said that for almost 6 weeks now..It's not getting better..
Keep up the prayers.
Love the precious pictures!
ReplyDeleteTiff, I know that God is going to help you and Jeff find a different "normal"-one that may not seem perfect but one that will include the forever love you have for Morgan.
You did nothing to deserve what happened-it was just a horrible accident that happened and cannot be explained.
I just know that God was, is, and will continue to be with you every step of the way!
I can only imagine how hard it may be to start back to work. But I know that we are all looking forward to having you back, and want to help you in any way we can. Please know I will be there for you in any way you need me to be!! And I know that is true of anyone there. I feel God will use you to bless those you work on and with.
Speaking from experience, just go ahead and scream! It can help you feel better!
I know that the days that are so hard seem continuous right now, but over time they will come a little less often. I know that God has many good things that He will bless you and Jeff with. You and Jeff are looking to Him to get you through this horrible time, and He knows exactly what you need and when you need it. Just don't let satan discourage you!
Continuing to lift you up in prayer.
Love you much!!
Oh girl I am with Susan...just let it out and go ahead and scream.......and who knows what "normal" is. Just remember that God is with you always!! If and when you come back to work you can always come back to our desk and scream at us....we are use to it:) Love you guys, praying always....Carla
ReplyDelete