I miss her

I woke up this morning missing my morgan so much. I miss feeding her. we had such an awesome bond, I am so glad I took the bf route because it gave us a bond that nobody else had with her. I miss waking up at 5 to feed her and to turn on and get our first dose of mickey mouse clubhouse or handy mandy for the day. I miss snuggling with my sugerbooger. I loved her laying on my chest because feeling her heartbeat always just made me feel so complete. I would catch myself at amazement staring and watching her and thanking god for my healthy perfect baby girl. she is my life. I know she is here with me, watching me, and she wants me to be happy. That's so hard to do because its the little things that I miss that somehow steals away my happiness. I know it's Satan trying me..My brain will get going and Ill begin to ask..how do I know she's really ok..or how do I know she's not missing me...? that's so hard. I put my faith into the Lord and he seems to comfort me which then gives me that peace she is fine and just waiting on me to return to her. This has open my eyes in ways my eyes would probably never open. People want to know if we want more children...I've wanted one and only one the entire time. Even when Morgan was here.she was enough!and All that I wanted. Now I really believe another child could not hold a candle to my angel. eventually, I think that new baby would get tired of me comparing him or her to their big sister. my heart is in heaven, how could I love someone else like that on earth?? I do know god is in control and his ways are greater than our ways and his thoughts are greater than our thoughts...people keep telling jeff and I that going through this will allow us to have a awesome testimony,and could even be in the ministry one day. I hope so. I would love to dedicate myself to the Lord to minister to others in some way shape form or fashion. That's really all I have to do now. I read psalm 37 last night.what a awesome psalm. I want to reach out and just slap the people,(no that's not what Jesus would do) but  especially to the ones that don't even try to have god in their lives. people, you are robbing yourself of the biggest blessing you'll ever know. better than all the money, all the cars, houses, name brand accessories...ANYTHING! we are not guaranteed that next breath of life..would you want to spend a few years on this earth with all of that 'meaningless' stuff or a life time in heaven where there is no pain sorrow or suffering because you took that step to prioritize and let the lord begin to work in yours and your families life? don't wait for another tragedy to strike to make you realise how quickly your life can end...let my situation be enough to give you that spark of faith you need to begin that relationship with your Lord. wow...I think Ill pass the plate now.. jk jk but really, it's unbelievable the blessing and love that will surround you when you do this. would it really hurt just to try? Do it for your children's sake..your life will be less hectic and out of control I promise you. My job is to make my baby proud and continue to lift people up because I DO want to spend my eternity with her. staying in this word gives me the hope and strength I need to keep going until my time does come.