choosing to see

As usual God is still giving me the strength I need moment by moment to make it through these tough days. I've been blessed with 3 different books that I believe God has sent through friends that may help guide me through this grieving process a bit easier. Or maybe just another tool too prove that I'm not the only person in this world with the anger, jealousy, heartache, and the unansweable questions on why my baby went to heaven.  I'm not much of a reader but I'm starting my life fresh in so many different ways that I figure I'd try reading in hopes for the lord to give me the peace I'm looking for, for the day. I've been praying about which book to start first and I chose  "choosing to see," by mary beth chapman. (steven curtis chapmans wife) A close friend of mine has been reading it and well actually previewing it for me making sure its not too much for me to handle right now. She's loving it too. Its the story of her coping after the tragic loss of her 5 year old daughter, which was accidentally ran over by her 17 year old son. I'm only in chapter 6 and I'm praising god that he gave this book (through a friend) to read! (Thanks susan!!) I have to share what has comforted me the most today..."No mom can come up with words to express the ripping pain of losing a child...and no words can do justice to the mysteries of God in the midst of tragedy." She was comforted by a couple of the same scriptures I've turned too. Isaiah 43:2,5...'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you..Do not be afraid ,for I am with you; I will. Bring your children from the east and gather you from the west."  I could have wrote chapter 1 and 2 of this book, and it could have came out pretty close to how I feel. Another thing that comforted me in the book was in chapter 2 she said 'it has been agonizing to chose to see God at work through the tears of losing my daughter. I have however, experienced the kindness, sweetest, faithfulness, and redemptive heart of God. I believe none of my tears have been wasted." Its like she took the words right out of my mouth!  I can't wait until I get back to it tomorrow. I was blessed today with bracelet by a friend of mine. Its a bracelet with both mine and morgys birthstones...its so pretty, and its by far one of the sweetest gifts I've received so far. Its a true blessing! Thanks so much  miss caramie!! you made my day.It's the things like  that mean the most. Also another big thanks to cassie. you continue to bless me with the words I need to hear, and motivate me to do so much, love ya and I praise God you've been there EVERYDAY, since the evening my morgy went to heaven. For everyone else, the thoughts, prayers, and encouragement is what keeps me going THANK YOU!!!