pause

i can not believe this month will be 6 months since my morgy went home to be with the lord. everyday i have a new perspective on things however i am still in total awe that i am even doing all of this. this is not how it was suppose to be. i noticed the other day that it is truly like our life is on pause right now. theres no rewinding and no fastforwarding. in church the other morning i was watching all the little ones that are younger than morgy and they are all standiing and walking and talking..and then here i am stuck on pause with my life going no where. i have no idea what is instore for jeff and i, and if it is even gods will for us to continue this journey with another child.  But, i know that something is going to have to fill this spot that is aside of morgys spot in my heart. this spot is filled with lonelliness and hurt and whether it be a  task, or challenge..or perhaps even caring for a child its going to have to happen. Which i know will in gods time. im ready to push play and finish out this journey in this life. I am even contemplating going back to school. I have to focus on something so my mind doesnt constantly wonder.  sitting here on pause is not going to get me very far, and the pain is not easing much. - I would also like to ask for extra prayers for jeff. It seems like he was doing better months ago than what he is now. This tragedy has taken such a toll on us and our marriage but i know it is something prayer can fix. miss you so much morgy girl. my life will never be the same without you. when we are reunited all will be well.