This is not getting any easier

This morning has been another rough morning. I had a pretty big breakdown because I am constantly catching myself anticipating things that we planned on doing with Morgan. It was very seldom that the 3 of us would just sit around on a Weekend. We would always have plans to go out and enjoy ourselves as a family. We could not wait to get to take her to the Zoo. The day before she went to heaven Jeff and I was planning a zoo trip. She was finally at that age where she noticed things happening around her, and responded to animals and noises. We knew that as soon as the weather was warmer we would be headed to the Zoo. Today the weather here is GORGEOUS. Spring is coming and this was the weather we had been waiting on so Morgan could get out and enjoy it with us. I've laid in bed for too long this morning. I laid there thinking, ok it's the weekend and its beautiful it would be a perfect day for us to go out and take Morgan in the stroller and do something fun. Except....my baby is not here, and she won't be coming back. Satan has thrown awful thoughts to me the last couple of days, like 'you know if you would have just picked her up, this would have never happen.' Or..'what kind of parent are you to let this tragedy happen to your baby.' I pray that the Lord will speak the devil out of me because I know that what happened to Morgan, God did allow...why I'll never know. Why like this? Why did he not give me a heads up? How did this even happen? This is simply NOT getting any easier!!
Today is Sunday and it's the day we get to go visit "Morgy's Spot." I refuse to use the "c" word because my baby should not be in a "c." Amy got me out yesterday...I HAD to get out the house, I just could not quit crying. But we printed off off over 400 pictures in all of Morgan. I still have over 1500 on my cell phone, and who knows how many are saved to my cameras memory that I still haven't printed. I took so many pictures, but I don't feel like I took enough. How was I suppose to know I needed to take a lifetime of pictures in only 7 months? Today, she would be 9 months. I KNOW that she would be walking and saying 'MA MA' loud and clear by now. She did finally say 'MA MA' the night before she went to be with the Lord. I got SO excited, Jeff was excited, and Morgan just giggled because she knew that she had it in her, she just proved to us to she knew how to say it. Oh to hear her laugh again...I have videos, THANK GOD, but just to tickle her little belly and watch her daddy do 'inky binky bonky' with her...just one more time.
God PLEASE make this easier! I feel like the strength I had over the last few weeks is slipping. I'm afraid that people are going to forget her..Everywhere I go I just want to run up to them and tell them that I AM a daughter to the prettiest little girl EVER, and her name is Morgan. I can't take her in to restaurants, or stores, and have people 'oohing' over her like I once was able to. Now I walk in and a stranger has know idea that I'm a mommy...I just hate this feeling.

I praise God for all of the people that lift me up and encourage me in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Whether it be on this blog,  my facebook, or by text...You guys will never know what it means to me. I know prayers are still being sent up, but please continue, because I feel that, that is the only way God gives me the amount of strength  that I need to make it through these LONG days...

I've been wanting to share a picture of 'Morgy's Spot', but I don't want that being the picture people remember when they think of my daughter..I want it to be her smiling, or silly face! Maybe one day I'll put a picture of it on here..