I am so torn. I have been a complete mess today. I've cried more today than have in a while and it just seems like I am not getting anywhere. how did my life get to this point? my mind has completely stopped. january 24th my mind, heart, and soul traveled to heaven with my baby girl...and I am beginning to wonder if its ever coming back. I am constantly refering to things that I 'just did'..although in reality.. it was things did in january. its like life has stopped. its now april! how did I get here? today on my way home had a flashback of what has taken place over the last few months.. the days have never gone by so fast in all of my life. How am suppose to keep going? I am surrounded by people that have exactly what want...and all I am trying to do is figure out how did this go so wrong so fast? I know all about gods will...but how did this happen? when I woke up that monday morning never once did think that was the last time I would have held my sugarbooger. Its not very often I sull up and ask questions, but tonight my blog was for me to vent. I do not see how a marriage, or friendships, or sanity is suppose to stay intact during this awful time. it seems like they are all just a blurr right now. as soon as I think things are improving...they quickly tumble right back to the ground. I have lost so much in the last 2 1/2 months...things I never thought I would have to live without. I miss home, I miss coming home to my sweet girl and living our daily routine..I miss my cheerful carefree husband that loved making his little girl laugh. These things are not coming back, no matter how hard I try, and I'm having a very rough time dealing with it all...once again I apppoligize for the negativity, this is not like me, but this blog is meant for me vent when I need it, and I think I have accomplished that.the scripture ive been leaning on is jeremiah 29 11 'for i know the thoughts i think toward you, says the lord. thoughts of peace,not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.. love to you all that keeps me going. im so thankful for the enouragement and love you surround me with.
I am so, so sorry for your rough day! I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. It's good that you are venting your anger and frustration! That's healthy and part of the healing process. I don't know how anyone survives tragedy like this apart from God. But please remember, he is holding you together! He loves you so much and has promised to never leave you or forsake you. I know you already know that and it doesn't make it any easier, but it's a promise you can hold onto when your life feels like it's crumbling apart. Where do you go from here? Only God knows. I don't why he allowed this to happen to you. It's something you may never know this side of heaven. But just keep trusting in the Lord, honey. Just watch him bring good out of this tragedy yet.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it would help you or not, but have you ever read the biography of Horatio Spaford? He wrote the famous hymn "It Is Well With My Soul." He and his wife endured more heartache than most people will ever know, and yet God did amazing things in them and through them. You can read about him here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_with_My_Soul
and you can listen to the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8_EfDqF7YI
I pray that it brings you comfort in the midst of this storm!
I agree. You should read horatios bio.it is incredible. And you def have the right to vent when you need too. Remember you are in iur thoughts and prayed for often.
ReplyDeleteOh baby girl, I will honestly say I wish there was someway I could help you in all this pain you and Jeff are going through.
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is offer my support and makes suggestion to you.
I have tried to give you good advise all your life and never steer you wrong.
Perhaps taking baby steps backwards would help.
You are missing part of the closure you need, and thats home.Park in your drive way don't go in just sit there. You may have to do this several times But do it in small steps till your ready to open the door and go in.
On the day you think your ready to take that step let us know we can all go with you and support you.
We are all here for you and Jeff and you don't have to do this alone. I love you so much.I am here when you need me you that.
Tiffany, I knew you were having a rough day yesterday and I prayed so much last night when I went to bed for you and Jeff. I know it hit you like a ton of bricks all over again at the kitchen table last night when we were all talking. I am so so sorry. I wish I could do something for you both. Please know I am here for yall anytime for anything. Sometimes to me it still feels like January. Theres is somedays I think tomorrow Morgan will be here to play while your at work. I am so sorry that your having to go through this. But you have every right in the world to vent, get mad, cry all day if you want. Yeck if you need to hit something or someone I'm here for you to do it. Know that I love you and Jeff so much, and know that there is not a day or sometimes hours that goes by that I'm not asking God to give you the strength, peace and comfort that yall need to make it. I also pray for God to allow you to feel Morgans presence with you always. Hope and pray you have a better day. Love ya!!!! Miss Morgan Rilee your Aunt AMA loves you so much!!! Give mommy and daddy their strength and fill them with your presence today sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteI think that perhaps a grief support group might be good for you and your husband. Losing a child (and so unexpectantly as you did) is the hardest thing. You have to have a solid foundation otherwise you will crack. I saw this in my email today and thought I'd pass it along. I plan on attending it in honor of my daughter and thought I'd offer it to you as well. Sometimes if we have something to look forward to, it helps get passed that little step and onto the next one. http://jonsrun.com/history.html
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