A emotional roller coaster...that's the best I can describe the last week or so. I am so out of sink of my daily routine, and it has drove me crazy. Last Thursday PK and other surrounding areas were invaded my major wildfires. It got VERY close to our pk home which brought us having to evacuate last Saturday. The first time back to the lake in almost 3 months and it was to hurry up and try and save my baby girls stuff, so it would be safe and sound with me, and out of the danger of a fire. That was so hard. We knew that the day would come where we would have to go and pack her room, but never would I have imagined it would have been in a manner like this. Just driving up to the house was tough...of course the only thing I could recall was the 24th, and images from that day. As sad as it is..that place is not home anymore. It has so many good memories there but unfortunately the bad outweighs the good. The moment we stepped in I saw her corner in our living room filled with toys that she never even got to play with from Christmas. It hit us. Things were perfect and we could not be happier with our baby girl..and it felt like that awful day in January a mack truck came and ran us completely over. All the anticipation of her growing and the love our little family shared ended so quickly...so tragically. It was time to pack her room so Jeff and I had a moment to ourselves to sit in there and cry and hold her lovey bears..and just look at all the things we had accumulated for our precious daughter over 8 months. I had just bought her a closet FULL of new clothes that she never got to wear...and looking at all of her bows, and the bedding that I was so proud of. I sure hoped she enjoyed it all, it all meant so so much to us. We wanted her to have everything she wanted and needed and it looked liked she did. Her room BY FAR had more storage containers than the rest of the house did. I picked up a blanket in her crib and just tried to smell every last smell of her I could. It did smell like her thankfully. This is all just so tough. I don't think it will ever make since on why this has happened...I would give anything to return to the way things were...
Lastly..Easter is this Sunday..plus it's the 24th. This is going to be so tough. Thankfully we've decided to attend church with some family out of town which hopefully will be a bit easier for us. Rather than seeing all of the little ones that I had imagined being at our Easter get-togethers and the babies that my morgy would have gotten to hunt eggs with one day. The dresses, the bows will be in full fledged come Sunday. Which is something I miss dearly. Having a little girl is such a blessing. It's truly a gift from God. And my morgy soaked up every moment of it in her precious outfits, and bows. I'm going to go to her spot on Sunday evening and put her Easter basket there. The Easter bunny use to 'hide' our Easter basket in the mornings when we were kids and we would wake up to a scavenger hunt to find them! I longed for the day where we could do that with Morgan. She would have loved it. And most importantly teach of her the importance of Easter, and who Jesus is...but I now see that my little 8 month old baby girl knows him MUCH more personally than I do...as she is laying in the arms of our Lord as we speak! I love you Morgan Rilee, and pray that our day is coming soon sweet girl!!
So thankful you were able to get your things out safely! Just know you continue to be in my prayers! And that God knows your hurt and He is with you all the time! Love you much!
ReplyDeleteOh my heart hurts for you and your husband! I know you don't know me, but I have been following your blog for a while and check it daily so I can lift you up in prayer. When you didn't post for a week, I was worried about you. I can imagine it must have been so hard to go back to your old home. I pray that now that you've been back and gotten to touch some of Morgan's things that some real healing can begin. This life is only a breath in the grand scheme of eternity. You will have ALL eternity with your baby girl to look forward too! What a wonderful hope we have in Jesus! Every day brings us one day closer to his triumphant return! Your baby girl is going to have the BEST Easter this year! Imagine the celebration that must be taking place in heaven right now and your Morgan gets a front row seat! I imagine she is probably wearing a beautiful pure white dress with the biggest white bow on her head. She is probably laughing and playing at Jesus' feet along with all of heaven's children. I pray that thought will give you hope and strength to get through each day.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if reading other people's blogs encourages you or not, but if so, you might want to check out this blog: http://mymaddiegrace.blogspot.com/
Natalie's baby girl Madeline Grace went home to be with Jesus in January too and Natalie's blog is just filled with such hope and encouragement for a grieving heart. It has blessed me and I pray that it blesses you too!
Don't know if you are still reading your comments, but just incase...I came across this and thought I'd share it with you. https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B0tQZwTAKmg8NGZhYzcyZGItOWFmOS00MTNmLTgyNjUtZWViOWY3ZDRjNzNm&hl=en&authkey=CPOsrvsM&pli=1
ReplyDeleteHopefully the link works (if not you can find it at www.raisingarrows.net on the side-bar). It's a 30-day devotional called "Psalms for a Grieving Heart" written by a mom who lost her 8 month old baby girl. She has a wonderful testimony to share. I hope it encourages you! Still lifting you up in prayer!
Thank you so much jenae! You are a true blessing! Its amazing the people god sends to me to continue to pray for and encourage me. May god bless you for taking the time to spread your love. Thanks again for putting a smile on my face.
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